BICYCLE (disg)RACES!

Fire it Up and Enjoy the Garrulosity!

Today was the day I went with Bike‐on John (Who looks like HYS in a spooky way - he's from Brownsville as well!) to the reservoir. He had a spare bicycle and I had a delusion that I was still 40 (which might be the most depressing thing I have ever typed!). So where would the reservoir be? Up above town, and for two good reasons.

First, if it wasn’t no one would be worried about what would happen if the dam breaks.

Second, this makes it much harder to get to.


So it was “up the road.” But Korea, so proud of its “Four Distinct Seasons” is much more shut‐mouthed about its “Four Distinct Ups.” It is unlike Koreans to be shy about the wonders of Korea and so I wonder if this is their secret shame? In any case, for anyone contemplating coming to Korea to get ‘up’ to something, I have included this convenient directional graphic indicating the four kinds of Korea up.

Then, of course, there was the distance. It was about three miles straight up, and then another three miles straight up. This was only interrupted by short stretches that were decidedly more up. It is kind of hard to explain in language that the kind of people who read this blog (and I love all three of you!) would understand, so once again I have provided a nifty visual aid.

The trip was complicated, for me, by the fact that my rear tire was rubbing against the frame. I would have preferred to have figured this out earlier than halfway back to downtown, but still, it did come as something like a gift to figure out, and John and I flipped the bike and fixed it, which made the last few miles much easier. I also (I think) got some cool pics, the reservoir was absolutely gorgeous and it was bizarre to go not so very far and be in a completely rural setting. We also walked up a very steep road and saw the famous (by which I mean no one besides us was in sight) “Standing Buddha” of whereverthehell.

Bike‐on John was also garrulous. This seems to be a rule. Waeguks can’t get together and just shut the hell up, they need to unload every damn thing they can think of. It is also fair to say that John had a rather remarkable story to share.

Starting with the crash that nearly killed him and did kill his wife and his realization that life is pretty finite and you might as well do something you enjoy while you can. So, he left a job at CBS and came to Korea to teach. So far he’s been hit by one car and had a appendectomy without anesthetic. John waited too long, his appendix burst, and then just as they were strapping him down for surgery, he got asthmatic and pulled out his inhaler and took some hits – the doctors were worried about interactions between that and the ether and, since John was dying in front of them, just whacked the blade in and tried to make the operation as quick as possible. John says it was the worst pain he’d ever felt in his life, but then he went into shock and says that it was great.

So.. that’s uh.. a hell of a year in town. But it gets better..

Some of us remember a story about a Hagwon tragedy in which a van driver ran over and killed a young girl. A tragedy. So of course John works at that Hagwon. And, unreported in the English press here, this has turned into a brawl between the family of the deceased girl and the Hagwon. The family wanders in and threatens students, throws shit around, and hits (Korean) employees. This has gone on since the event. The family also started sabotaging various things and stalking employees. John stopped his stalking by filming it. The police seem unconcerned and it is pretty funny that the family did get a stern talking to, and one that had effect, from the Electricity Company! The family pulled some fuses in John’s building and the manager was around to see it. He called the local PG&E and they stepped in and stopped that.

No wonder the cops here are rather looked down on.

Anyway, John’s garrulosity was, I believe, merely cover for his plan to kill me. A plot that now seems to be taking slow motion effect. My legs are certainly dead, my butt hurts in a way that defies metaphor and suggests a recent prison stay, I managed to get a sunburn, and my head is fogged (though that may be the result of the bottle of medicinal Soju that I have since applied).

It may be another night spent stretched out defenselessly on the Ondol floor.

God help me if the ravenous Kimchi‐Weasels come out!