“It’s the sound of my ego / getting out of control”
Bob Mould

One of the risks you take by being a foreigner in Korea is that you will be used as evidence of the “internationality” of some event. As I’ve discussed elsewhere, the “international” appellation is applied to everything, regardless of whether it is international or not. The “International” Kimchi Festival, for instance, surprisingly includes no Kimchi from countries other than Korea. The same was true of the “International Bartending Competition” (covered in unnecessarily nauseating detail here), which consisted entirely of Koreans, and not just Koreans, but solely of bartenders who lived in Daejeon.

I got several fistfuls of free drinks, so I don’t mean to complain.

However, you do need to get used to the fact that as a foreigner, you will certainly have your picture taken at these events, and the picture might just show up any old where. Partly because of the multicultural nature of the States, it’s difficult to think of this kind of thing happening there. We’ve all seen Asians, Blacks, Albinos, and even some unreconstructed neo-cons, so we’re kind of used to the “other” and it is difficult to assume that someone who isn’t White is from a different country (Sniffle! America, Land of Opportunity!)

But in Korea, being White can lead to this picture taken at the Geumsan Ginseng Festival (International! Of Course!). It features me, the OAF, some guy who can’t escape the shadow of my enormously swollen head, and Mark the Englishman who the photographer interrupted while he was attempting to score with some Chinese woman from BPU’s “Nearly A Bizness Skool.”
Mark, it is worth noting, has already burned through two wives (A Brit and a Russian, I believe), and now has his eyes set on a Chinese bint. His line that his genitalia resembled the ginseng in the young ladies’ gloved hand, go him no (International!) loving on this particular day.

Anyway.. one day this magazine shows up on my desk and I’m the (International) star on the cover.

A bit unsettling, really.