As my landlady is going broke, there is no longer steady internet at home.
As there is steady internet at the local I am rarely home.
Thus I get to hear a range of bon mots. The dude in the fake motorcycle gear was special. Walked in, ordered a Becks for his girlfriend (!!!! well.. ok, I have one, so there's no accounting for taste) and when he heard there were none yelled across the bar asking if she'd take a "heiney-licking" instead? How risible! Repeated 15 times over the next 35 seconds? Not so clever. We can all hear.
The next drink needed to be a cocktail so he ordered a "gin n colonic" and offered to buy a round, without the gin, for the entire bar. Again, in case the subtlety of the joke was lost on a lout like myself, he repeated the joke 15 times.
For his next sally he asked for a drink without a "crap on the glass! My girlfriend hates a glass with a crap on it." To make sure this was true he yelled to her across the bar (she was playing pool) asking if she hated glasses with craps on them. She yelled back that she hated a crack on a glass and when the dude said "well, that's even worse, since crap is protein and crack is illegal," I decided to go home.
Probably for the best, and I didn't want to be about when our local Bob Hope remembered the 'other' meaning of the word crack.....