Big Day Ahead - I Become One with a Fraction of the Universe

For about a week, the Korean staff and faculty have been buzzing about some kind of lunch-meeting with the head of the Jogye (Buddhist) Order here. Every day someone comes to my door to invite me, and I think I've received an email every other day.

Yesterday and today the office staff has taken to pelting me with text messages telling me where to meet, what to do if I can't meet there, and where to go to if I want to go directly to the meeting.

All this activity made no sense until I realized what is going to happen today.

I'm going to be promoted to Dalai Lama!

It only makes since, given how evolved I am and now that I have attained spiritual mastery of all the beverages in the malted (excluding chocolate or milk-based varieties) category.

Sweeeeeeeet!  I bet the Dalai gets a lot of action, or, "nirvana" as they say in Buddhanese, which I suppose I will now have to learn.

Anyway, I have prepared  by bringing all the necessary items to work. I have newly cleaned suit-pants that fit, a nearly unwrinkled shirt, a sparkly tie (thanks Yvonne!  I will remember you when I am ascended!), fingernail clippings taken at the recent eclipse, a splinter of the true cross, and a quart of clarified butter (those with true Buddha understanding do not question this).

So prepared, I know wait in my office for an hour to pass, at which point I can walk over to the third story (third story!) of the cafeteria and let the savage and beautiful ritual begin.

I wonder if I get some kind of secret decoder ring, or something?