So there's the Bone Room in Berkeley (of course). And I like them. Many years ago, when they were still in Oakland, I went by their store and it opened my eyes to the beauty of bones and skeletal bits and pieces. This served me well, years later, when I discovered the sheep abattoir up in Soda Springs, CA.. Which is a long story to tell at some other point. But the Bone room offers you a chance to purchase rare and inaccesible pieces of previously living critters.
Like the rare opportunity to purchase the leg-bone of a chicken for only a dollar.
Only a dollar.
Per bone.
Do you know what Kentucky Fried Chicken offers you? For $1.49 per leg you get the bones and to eat all that delicious lard-soaked chicken!
Do you know what the store offers you?
Well, me either, but it has to be even cheaper than KFC. So basically, unless you need that 3rd rate Hollywood African Costume Necklace now, why the heck would you purchase a dried chickenbone.
Meh... I'm gonna go to Popeyes!
Tuesday, January 31, 2006
Monday, January 30, 2006
Year of the Poodle Dog and Pony Show
Lucky enough, for work-based reasons, to be at the Viet New Year's Parade today. Not unusually? I took some photos.
This here woman was Miss Saigon (2005? 2006? Can't remember) and was pretty luminous.
There was also a Miss Hanoi running around and I wondered if that was just a different beauty contest for Northerners, or if it had something to do with the (still) ongoing hassles between the two Vietnamese 'sides' of the Vietnam War? I am far too wise to ask that question in a venue such as I was in. ;-)
And the Dragons were pretty spectacular:
the whole thing was sponsored by NBC Channel 11 and they had a nice music float with a very rhythmic dude pumping away (which sounds like a blurb for a gay porno):
finally, I found it funny that the whole thing was about "traditional" Vietnamese culture (it was interesting to see the old soldiers too shrunken to fit their old wartime uniforms) and yet I could turn almost anywhere and take a shot of:
If they aren't careful they are going to turn Korean! (With that said, the woman in this picture really looked Indian to me and I wondered if she had wandered in from some other parade).
But it is established that I am a bad man.
This here woman was Miss Saigon (2005? 2006? Can't remember) and was pretty luminous.
There was also a Miss Hanoi running around and I wondered if that was just a different beauty contest for Northerners, or if it had something to do with the (still) ongoing hassles between the two Vietnamese 'sides' of the Vietnam War? I am far too wise to ask that question in a venue such as I was in. ;-)
And the Dragons were pretty spectacular:
the whole thing was sponsored by NBC Channel 11 and they had a nice music float with a very rhythmic dude pumping away (which sounds like a blurb for a gay porno):
finally, I found it funny that the whole thing was about "traditional" Vietnamese culture (it was interesting to see the old soldiers too shrunken to fit their old wartime uniforms) and yet I could turn almost anywhere and take a shot of:
If they aren't careful they are going to turn Korean! (With that said, the woman in this picture really looked Indian to me and I wondered if she had wandered in from some other parade).
But it is established that I am a bad man.
Monday, January 23, 2006
My Horse Divorce Poem
Divorce is ok, of course, of course
Unless you're as stuborn as a horse (Zoot alors!)
Who won't escape even when he is able
Because he can't leave the dung heap in the stable
Because we all have a stallion for dallying
and another stud in the stall
There's one time made for dilly-dallying
And another for being pumped against the wall
And if the straw is rearranged
for whores and horses not yet estranged?
When the straw is fresh and roof is solid?
There's nothing wrong with being stolid.
We all live in different barns
Different ranchers run our abbatoirs
And if we're afraid of change or harm
Perhaps we should stay on the farm.
Unless you're as stuborn as a horse (Zoot alors!)
Who won't escape even when he is able
Because he can't leave the dung heap in the stable
Because we all have a stallion for dallying
and another stud in the stall
There's one time made for dilly-dallying
And another for being pumped against the wall
And if the straw is rearranged
for whores and horses not yet estranged?
When the straw is fresh and roof is solid?
There's nothing wrong with being stolid.
We all live in different barns
Different ranchers run our abbatoirs
And if we're afraid of change or harm
Perhaps we should stay on the farm.
Sunday, January 22, 2006
Don't You Know How to be Dumb?
Elvis the Prophet, as always, puts it best -
They are everywhere. Mostly on the freeways and in stores.
They are the idiots who drive for 35 miles on a freeway in which the right lane *always* leads to the exit and then, suddenly, are amazed when, with 100 yards to go to an exit, they are in an exit lane. So they slice back out onto the highway.
Or worse... because they can't plan to live, they do something like back up back onto the freeway.
You might also know them as the people who slice across three lanes of traffic to make that left turn they just thought about. It never occurs to them that they could keep going and then turn around.....
At the shopping center or cafeteria? They are primarily women. A load of clothes, or a tray of food and they get to the cashier and it seems to be entirely new to them that they are expected to pay. No wallet out. Probably pull out a check book. Probably don't have a pen. Probably don't understand what the numbers on the register mean. Have you idiots ever paid for anything in your life? You must have, you're too effing stupid for anyone else to want to pay for your shit. Oh yeah.... then make sure you grab the receipt and stand in line checking to make sure that you weren't overcharged 35 cents.
The rest of us will wait.
And if, god forbid, you were dumb enough to misunderstand what something cost? Make sure to demand a price check. And don't have enough money. And have the poor cashier remove one item at a time until the money you made recycling aluminum can pay for the beers and corn chips you have left to purchase.
A special subset of this group of idiots is the one who does everything I've mentioned above and then tries to pay with exact change. Pulls each tangeld one dollar bill out like it is the last one they will ever see; puts it on the counter and then returns to their pocket, past the gerbil and the food stolen from yesterday's cafeteria, and retrieves a handful of coins that would frighten a leper. Then counts them out, one by one.
Learn basic math, you idiots.
Better yet? The things you do all the time? Figure out what they are and how to navigate them. This can't be the first time you've ever been in a store. This can't be the first time you've ever driven on the freeway. So why is it such a fresh (and potentially dangerous) experience each time?
Oh yeah. Also? Stay out of my way you idiots. I've gone to the trouble of figuring out how things work. You morons who are always surprised should be neutered, lobotomized, and then killed.
In that order.
So you feel it all.
Now you know how to be dumb
Are you ready to take your place in the modern museum of mistakes?
They are everywhere. Mostly on the freeways and in stores.
They are the idiots who drive for 35 miles on a freeway in which the right lane *always* leads to the exit and then, suddenly, are amazed when, with 100 yards to go to an exit, they are in an exit lane. So they slice back out onto the highway.
Or worse... because they can't plan to live, they do something like back up back onto the freeway.
You might also know them as the people who slice across three lanes of traffic to make that left turn they just thought about. It never occurs to them that they could keep going and then turn around.....
At the shopping center or cafeteria? They are primarily women. A load of clothes, or a tray of food and they get to the cashier and it seems to be entirely new to them that they are expected to pay. No wallet out. Probably pull out a check book. Probably don't have a pen. Probably don't understand what the numbers on the register mean. Have you idiots ever paid for anything in your life? You must have, you're too effing stupid for anyone else to want to pay for your shit. Oh yeah.... then make sure you grab the receipt and stand in line checking to make sure that you weren't overcharged 35 cents.
The rest of us will wait.
And if, god forbid, you were dumb enough to misunderstand what something cost? Make sure to demand a price check. And don't have enough money. And have the poor cashier remove one item at a time until the money you made recycling aluminum can pay for the beers and corn chips you have left to purchase.
A special subset of this group of idiots is the one who does everything I've mentioned above and then tries to pay with exact change. Pulls each tangeld one dollar bill out like it is the last one they will ever see; puts it on the counter and then returns to their pocket, past the gerbil and the food stolen from yesterday's cafeteria, and retrieves a handful of coins that would frighten a leper. Then counts them out, one by one.
Learn basic math, you idiots.
Better yet? The things you do all the time? Figure out what they are and how to navigate them. This can't be the first time you've ever been in a store. This can't be the first time you've ever driven on the freeway. So why is it such a fresh (and potentially dangerous) experience each time?
Oh yeah. Also? Stay out of my way you idiots. I've gone to the trouble of figuring out how things work. You morons who are always surprised should be neutered, lobotomized, and then killed.
In that order.
So you feel it all.
Scratch your own head stupid
Count up to three
Roll over on your back
Repeat after me
Friday, January 20, 2006
F*ckers At other Blogs
So,
so as to not do any work myself, or any writing myself, I waste time cruising the intarwebs. As I get older visits to porno sites become increasingly goal-oriented: I am aware that I am not going to see anything new and vaguely alarmed at the idea of what I might see if I did see something new. I am, so to speak, in and out.
This leads me to blogs. I cruise around a lot. And I find people I really hate. Like this POS:
Kung Fu Monkey
Goes away for two days and then posts a big old ostentatious apology!
How does he(?) think that makes the rest of us feel?
Bastid!
so as to not do any work myself, or any writing myself, I waste time cruising the intarwebs. As I get older visits to porno sites become increasingly goal-oriented: I am aware that I am not going to see anything new and vaguely alarmed at the idea of what I might see if I did see something new. I am, so to speak, in and out.
This leads me to blogs. I cruise around a lot. And I find people I really hate. Like this POS:
Kung Fu Monkey
Goes away for two days and then posts a big old ostentatious apology!
How does he(?) think that makes the rest of us feel?
Bastid!
Thursday, January 19, 2006
A K3wL thing online
Pandora, mans....
put in a song or artist you like and listen to songs you might have an affinity for. I used the New York Dolls and was relieved when the first band that played was the Jam and then the Ramones. But since then Pandora has played some pretty nice surprises...
Gun & Doll Club
Soft Boys (I Wanna Destroy You!)
Soledad Brothers
Dropkick Murphys...
I sense a trip to Limewire... er, I mean the CD store!
put in a song or artist you like and listen to songs you might have an affinity for. I used the New York Dolls and was relieved when the first band that played was the Jam and then the Ramones. But since then Pandora has played some pretty nice surprises...
Gun & Doll Club
Soft Boys (I Wanna Destroy You!)
Soledad Brothers
Dropkick Murphys...
I sense a trip to Limewire... er, I mean the CD store!
Don't Do the (puny) Crime if You're Doing a Much Bigger One!
This is one of my "stances" on obeying the law. And it comes from observing a friend who received several DUIs. He didn't get pulled over for suspicion of a DUI, he got pulled over THREE TIMES for bad registration tags.
Just so happened he was blotto each time. From this I formulated the notion that if you are guilty of a big crime, you'd better not be seen guilty of any small ones. The small crime is kind of like the key to the lock.. once the lock is open the door is worthless...
Today my boy Leif Garrett proves my wisdom again. He got caught for NOT HAVING A SUBWAY TICKET at the same time he was carrying narcotics.
Good god. How stupid could you be?
Just so happened he was blotto each time. From this I formulated the notion that if you are guilty of a big crime, you'd better not be seen guilty of any small ones. The small crime is kind of like the key to the lock.. once the lock is open the door is worthless...
Today my boy Leif Garrett proves my wisdom again. He got caught for NOT HAVING A SUBWAY TICKET at the same time he was carrying narcotics.
Good god. How stupid could you be?
Wednesday, January 18, 2006
My rules for making a vacation a good one..
Well, alright, guidelines:
1) Go with friends of longstanding or go by yourself.
2) Drink *less* than you do at home
3) Try every food they offer you (Unless you're some kind of mentally crippled up Vegan). On the last vacation I had "live" octopus tentacles, coagulated pig's blood, and most of the lower intestine of a lamb. So maybe you might disregard this "rule." ;-)
4) Understand you might get sick now and then
5) Don't go for fewer than 10 days
6) Meet a local if you can
7) Drinking establishments are great places to meet people (subject to rule #2)
8) Bring a camera
9) If it's foreign, know at least 10 words of the language unless it's France in which case they will hate you no matter how good your language is.
10) Vacation far away, or it's just a 'trip.'
11) Learn about your vacation site before you go.
As as semi-academic I also try to take pictures and write about every vacation just because it allows me to get perspective on the vacation as it is going on.
1) Go with friends of longstanding or go by yourself.
2) Drink *less* than you do at home
3) Try every food they offer you (Unless you're some kind of mentally crippled up Vegan). On the last vacation I had "live" octopus tentacles, coagulated pig's blood, and most of the lower intestine of a lamb. So maybe you might disregard this "rule." ;-)
4) Understand you might get sick now and then
5) Don't go for fewer than 10 days
6) Meet a local if you can
7) Drinking establishments are great places to meet people (subject to rule #2)
8) Bring a camera
9) If it's foreign, know at least 10 words of the language unless it's France in which case they will hate you no matter how good your language is.
10) Vacation far away, or it's just a 'trip.'
11) Learn about your vacation site before you go.
As as semi-academic I also try to take pictures and write about every vacation just because it allows me to get perspective on the vacation as it is going on.
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