Don't You Know How to be Dumb?

Elvis the Prophet, as always, puts it best -

Now you know how to be dumb
Are you ready to take your place in the modern museum of mistakes?

They are everywhere. Mostly on the freeways and in stores.

They are the idiots who drive for 35 miles on a freeway in which the right lane *always* leads to the exit and then, suddenly, are amazed when, with 100 yards to go to an exit, they are in an exit lane. So they slice back out onto the highway.

Or worse... because they can't plan to live, they do something like back up back onto the freeway.

You might also know them as the people who slice across three lanes of traffic to make that left turn they just thought about. It never occurs to them that they could keep going and then turn around.....

At the shopping center or cafeteria? They are primarily women. A load of clothes, or a tray of food and they get to the cashier and it seems to be entirely new to them that they are expected to pay. No wallet out. Probably pull out a check book. Probably don't have a pen. Probably don't understand what the numbers on the register mean. Have you idiots ever paid for anything in your life? You must have, you're too effing stupid for anyone else to want to pay for your shit. Oh yeah.... then make sure you grab the receipt and stand in line checking to make sure that you weren't overcharged 35 cents.

The rest of us will wait.

And if, god forbid, you were dumb enough to misunderstand what something cost? Make sure to demand a price check. And don't have enough money. And have the poor cashier remove one item at a time until the money you made recycling aluminum can pay for the beers and corn chips you have left to purchase.

A special subset of this group of idiots is the one who does everything I've mentioned above and then tries to pay with exact change. Pulls each tangeld one dollar bill out like it is the last one they will ever see; puts it on the counter and then returns to their pocket, past the gerbil and the food stolen from yesterday's cafeteria, and retrieves a handful of coins that would frighten a leper. Then counts them out, one by one.

Learn basic math, you idiots.

Better yet? The things you do all the time? Figure out what they are and how to navigate them. This can't be the first time you've ever been in a store. This can't be the first time you've ever driven on the freeway. So why is it such a fresh (and potentially dangerous) experience each time?

Oh yeah. Also? Stay out of my way you idiots. I've gone to the trouble of figuring out how things work. You morons who are always surprised should be neutered, lobotomized, and then killed.

In that order.

So you feel it all.

Scratch your own head stupid
Count up to three
Roll over on your back
Repeat after me