This is to say that I have never found it funny. I prefer Mary Worth if only for the unintentional comedy scale on which it has been placed by the Comics Curmudgeon. I mean, Mary had Aldo Kelrast stalk her in a 2006 storyline. His last name was an anagram of "Stalker" and he looked like Captain Kangaroo. Plus, he died while driving drunk which makes him more of a hero than Morrissey (for precipitating the reformation of The New York Dolls).
But Luann hit a nerve discussing Fresno Motel 6s and I can tell you a story or two about a Motel 6 in Fresno. Well, one story...
Several years ago I was given the "job" of squiring a Korean lad around the United States. The lad was sent to "see" the United States and practice his English. For $100 a day and expenses I was the leader of a two-car caravan. My car was me and the BAG, the other car contained my Korean friends and the lad switched between the cars, though normally not while we were still moving.
When a Korean "sees" the western United States it is something like a photographic treasure hunt. Certain sites must be visited and photographs must be taken there. Sites that aren't on the 'official' list are completely unimportant. UCB and Stanford are on the academic list (While the Community College I work at isn't ;-p). Yosemite and the Grand Canyon are on the natural list (While Lassen or deserts aren't). On our way from Yosemite to Las Vegas (on the list) we spent a romantic evening in Fresno. Fresno is a cosmopolitan town on the scenic central plains of California between Yosemite and Vegas. On this magical evening we, tired and happy travelers, stopped in at the Motel 6.
The Koreans took a room towards the front of the hotel and the BAG and I took a room slightly further back. BAG and I fell asleep to the gentle susurrus of sirens, bald tires squealing, glass bottles shattering on pavement and occipital lobes, and the gentle "crunk" of shotguns in the middle distance.
It was the sleep of the just.
The next morning we were awakened by the Koreans who looked.. well .... not well. They were unjust, and thus had not slept well.
At about 1:00 am they had been awakened by an old, bloody man pounding on their door. They went to the door and the old man began a tale of woe.... "Call the police. Please call the police."
The Koreans called the guy at the front desk who, deciding discretion was definitely the greater part of valor, remained huddled under the front counter with his niner and bottle of Jack.
The old man kept hollering, "They beat me up, they beat me up. Please call the police."
The Koreans ignored him and he finally moved on to the next door.
The next door, unfortunately, was also to the room the Koreans were in (no, I have no idea why there were two doors to one room -- perhaps for escape?).
It began again... "Call the police. Please call the police. They beat me up, they beat me up. Please call the police."
Finally, the old man understood he wasn't marketing himself correctly and went for his big finish, "The beat me up! They beat me up! All I wanted was a blow-job, and they beat me up!"
Whilst the BAG and I (and the guy at the front desk) slept, this drama played itself out for an hour or so.
Welcome to the United States, Korean lad!
Finally, presumably overcome by drunkeness or loss of blood, the old man staggered off into the noisy night.
That morning the BAG quite sensibly asked why one of the Koreans hadn't just given the old man a blowjob to get him to leave.
She's practical that one.
The trip went on and no one was hurt.
And I had nearly forgotten all of it.
Until I actually laughed at Luann.
I suck.
Which means the poor old dude was at the wrong door the whole time.
1 comment:
I'll be in Chautauqua from 6/24 through 7/2 if you are interested.
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