Peace on the Airplane

Anyone who has ever flown on a plane more than a couple of times knows that one of the biggest risks (no, not crashing) is having to sit next to someone annoying. If you’ve never experienced this — congratulations! — you’re probably one of those irritating gabbers I’ve ignored.

Want to choose someone who will talk to you? Why look! There’s an introduction service. So go, find someone else insane, and leave me alone on the plane.

via immutably me via wolf angel

This is why a benevolent FSM invented the iPod. You don't even have to have it on, just pop the buds in your ear and look a bit vague. If you really want to ensure your seatmate doesn't talk to you, occasionally hum/sing some borderline ("borderline" kids, you're on an airplane and the airlines are very anal about dealing with perceived and imaginary threats) lyric under your breath. I like "Career Opportunities" by the Clash. It has nothing to do with guns or bombs, so should be airline-safe, but it does indicate you are possibly a dangerous anarchist ("Do you wanna make tea for the BBC do you really wanna be a cop. Career opportunities the ones that never knock, everything they offer you is somethin on the dock"). "White Riot" also works if you feel comfortable playing the semi-race card ("White Riot, White Riot, White Riot wanna riot of my own. Black man gotta lot a problems..." and so on).

Also, not showering for three days before the flight seems to shut people up. ;-)

Clothing selection can also help. Don't wear anything that someone might want to talk about. Wearing your "I love kitties" sweatshirt with the adorable little kittens playing with balls of yarn? You're asking for it and you probably deserve it if someone talks to you. Go a different route - wear your "Adolf Hitler World Tour: 1939-1944" shirt and you should be left entirely alone unless you meet a Nazi or JDL member with no sense of irony (hmmm... those are two groups not known for ironic distance, so.. you take your chances).

And, if all else fails, do make some comment about a bomb or a hijacking. Just be certain that you want to switch some boring guy on a plane for some threatening guy in the next (and you hope it stays that way) bunk.

Me?

I'll drive.