LOCATZ at me..

Sorting through my HD trying to figure out what I can delete in order to have more space for "horse on man" porno, I find this lovely draft of an email I might have or might not have sent.

With details of potential... "target?" .... "recipient?" .. blurred out, I give you the Methuselah Stick.

I am, in fact old. And I am reliably informed by a 52 year old that the next few years will be even worse as the slide down the razor blade of life continues. As the 52 year old is completely white-haired (a fate I will escape only insomuch as I continue to bald at an appalling rate), thoroughly round, and florid, I trust him.

Some simple mathematics might help.

The negative effects of age are asymptotic to extinction as you approach about 120 years of age, with some bad stuff before verticality. You will recall that an asymptote of a real-valued function y = f(x) is a curve which describes the behavior of f as either x or y tends to infinity. In this case, the negative effects are the value that reaches to infinity, as age clearly cannot do so. In fact, had I more time (and were I able to post pics in here) I’d describe the relationship as an oblique asymptote as that would better allow description of some of the cool things that happen in the first 21 years of life.

Alas Blogger, like loan-agents and women, denies me.

If we prefer to be more creative, we can look to literature.

Alexander Pope once noted, in Volume 27 of his 52 volume work, Denunciad: Short Musings on Brevity

The Methuselah stick, hits hard and quick
The Mortal man to chasten
The young and bold, are rendered old
As to their end they hasten

And then at age 56, as if to prove his own point, Pope shuffled off this mortal coil.

In science we can look to macroscopic entropy; in art to Goya’s Chronos; in philosophy to Ed Gein; and in music to the relief-map of Mars that is Keith Richard’s face. But they all say the same thing.

I’m old; nearly as old as dirt.

Fortunately, I suppose, I am not too far from a slight balm for all this. Thailand, with its cheap and excellent plastic surgeons, cheap and excellent Jack and Cokes, and cheap and excellent ladyboys, is merely a plane flight away. No solutions are permanent, but at my age, I’ll take what I can get!

Gotta scoot... I have a ticket-agent to engage..

A slightly smarter scammer..

Bernie Madoff's wife would like me to help!

Greetings,

My name is Ruth Madoff, as you can aware that my husband has been sent to 150 years imprisonment, please I want you to assist me and claim this funds out of this bank now before it too late.

I know you can do it for me, this is not a matter that we need to discuss over and over at all, bellow is the account details and you can check this account online.

Bank Website:
http://www.europefintrust.com/es/home/
Account username : Bmadoff
Account password : bernie

Customer Account Log out

Welcome Bmadoff!

Online Statement of Accounts
Account Number: EPF/UK/ONL/06524677
Account Holder: BERNARD L. MADOFF
Holder's Address: 2100 McKinney Ave, Suite 800, Dallas, TX,USA
Holders's Phone Number : 206-338-6347
SID Serial: 2435-5757-9898
Currency: UNITED STATES DOLLARS
Account Type: Transit Account
Account Balance: 59,700,000.00
Click here to view full account details Click here to make Funds Transfer

Please contact the account officer on this email urgently.

A Review Pours In!

As you may recall (both readers), last week I wrote an epic poem (albeit a short and insignificant one on a minor theme) and posted it here.

I am happy to say that Mr. Joe Orton of the Hawley Smoot Post and Tariff, has emailed me his review of my work. I post it here, without comment, which is more or less what it deserves.

The central theme/muse/symbol in all Montgomery’s major works is beer. This is Beer the Creator of modern man and beer the inspiration (e.g. in the Epic of Gilgamesh, the 'wild man' Enkidu is given beer to drink. "...he ate until he was full, drank seven pitchers of beer, his heart grew light, his face glowed and he sang out with joy."). Montgomery often relates Mankind’s creative process with the work of a creator, a brewer, an artist. In the natural world it is man’s artistic vision that brings creation to its zenith -- by revealing the world as it is, by sharpening perception, by giving form to ideas, by creating order out of chaos. Beer, of course, is in “the Mogi,” as any serious critic of Montgomery’s work would guess. But in “The Mogi” Montgomery steps outside of man’s creative role, to examine the creative and destructive role of the universe that surrounds us.

One of the beauties of Montgomery’s work is its (extreme) simplicity and you do not need to understand Montgomery’s divine-visionary-drunken beliefs to appreciate "The Mogi." Even a teetotaler can enjoy this work, for at its core the poem reprises the questions that many of us asked when we first heard the claim that God was a benevolent creator. "If that is so, why is there bloodshed and pain and horror? Why death? Why disease? Why the Lakers?" Most answers to these kinds of questions seem rote, incomplete or dishonest. "The Mogi" recounts, in a mythic context, the experience of not getting satisfactory answers to this key question of faith.

Montgomery does not stop here (he is not prone, actually, to stopping at all). "The Mogi" also describes that precipitous moment in which reason is overwhelmed by the antipodal but linked beauty and horror we find in the natural world. "When the stars threw down their spears / And watered heaven with their tears" is perhaps is the densest and most thematically rich section of "The Mogi." In the creation story in "Job", the stars sing for joy at creation, and it is to this that Montgomery refers. This key moment of creation is, of course, immediately definitively linked to Montgomery’s own “star tears,” the beer in the hand of the Creator. Unusually, Montgomery suggests that this might not be an altogether good thing.

In “The Mogi,’ stars represent reason and objectivity. Although Montgomery is generally a rationalist, and fully appreciates the understanding that science can bring to the world, he is also enough of transcendentalist to know that there is an experience to hearing the buzz of a Mogi at night that can't be communicated in entomology class: Our sense of annoyance and fear defies reason. As the Mogi’s buzz gets closer to our ears we have all had the experience of flailing frantically at that noise in the vain hope of destroying nature’s littlest assassin. It is not too much of a stretch, in fact, to argue that the Mogi can be read here as a symbol of death as well as of nature’s implacable might. The two are certainly linked

Regardless of whether the Mogi is taken as a symbol of death or of the power of nature lurking beneath and beyond our concrete ramparts, Montgomery makes the point that contemporary rationalists (of all political stripes) who hope to control the world by thought and application of power must eventually face the reality of the Mogi. As the lines “Who the devil? What dread grasp / Makes you want to sting my ass?” make clear, Montgomery believes that if we do not face the reality of the Mogi, the Mogi will come back to bite us on the ass.

Some critic would have you believe the Mogi represents evil. These critics are stupid. They eat steak don’t they? It is certainly not "evil" for a real Mogi to dine on humanity, but is part-and-parcel of our world. Yet it still inspires a certain horror and a sense of awe, that we are in the presence of the transcendent mystery at the very heart of creation -- and a certain terrible beauty. If Montgomery’s lyric has brought this to our attention, it has been successful.

Now I'm going to go and get a nice frosty one!

Bad News!

For all of you who have been waiting to send me last year's Xmas gifts.

You must now rule out the Sigma APO DG 70-300 lens as a potential gift. I bought this bad-girl from a, well bad-girl I suppose for about $133.00, which is a real bargain in Korea.

It's a nice lens too, although I'm still figuring it out. The first thing I did, of course, was take it out to take picture of bugs, stinking bugs.

The first bug was a fly on a wall (a bit cliche, even for a walking, talking cliche such as myself!) as I walked across Namsan Mountain and took a bit of refuge from the sun in a redwood-ish pagoda on the side of the hill.

The fly was obliging and hung out til I could figure out how to engage the macro. So I got two or three shots of which the one on the right is best by far.

Also, I learned that a picture of a fly on a wall is not only pretty uncompelling, but it also doesn't seem to reflect much about Korea.

Lesson learned, lesson learned

Then, when Yvonne and I went to see the Egyptian Exhibit, we also hung out at the little pond in front of the Museum and, lo and behold, a dragonfly came by and alit on the one sad leaf of pond-grass that stuck up out of the algae-ridden pond.

So I got me another pic.

Now, of course, we come to tragedy. We arrived home and there was a cockroach in the bathtub. Yvonne went in to shower - which she does Korean style, standing on the bathroom floor with the drain open. This means she didn't have to actually get in there with George, as we had named him. But it did mean she splashed enough water on little George that he expired soggily.

I didn't want to pick him up in his waterlogged state, so waited until the tub had dried out and..

It must have been CockaRoach Easter, cause George was back to life!

Or, those cockroaches are as tough as they say.

So, with George dry and alive, I got an empty yogurt cup, some cardboard, and trapped George and let him go outside.

Here is a picture of George, valiantly trundling away.

With that it was bed time and so I went to bed.

When I looked out my window.. Woe betide! Alas!

Poor George had not got very far.

This truly sh*tty pic is of George, on his back, six little legs to the sky, communing with the Great Insect What Lives in the Heavens.

And Yvonne can chalk up another kill!

With apologies to Mr. Blake

Upon the occasion of having been bitten.....

The Mogi

Mogi, Mogi, aloft alight
Waiting for a time to bite,
What immoral hand or eye
Gave stings and wings to a housefly?

From what distant drapes, on my fat thighs
Do you sit and peer and set your eyes?
On what silent wings, do you aspire
To leave a sting that burns like fire?

What nimble fingers, & what art
Made you long for fluid from my heart?
And when thy heart began to beat
Did that creator sense his own defeat?

What the thimble? what the stick?
That built you with your cruel prick
Who the devil? With lack of grasp
Made you want to sting my ass?

When the stars threw down their spears
Did the creator have a couple beers,
Did he smile, his work to see?
Did the creator of man, make Mogi?

Mogi, Mogi, aloft alight
Waiting for a time to bite
What immoral hand or eye
Gave stings and wings to a housefly?

Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam!

Next gift-giving occasion I will sneak my bad self into a Costco and snap pictures that fully indicate the Korean obsession with SPAM.

It is a sensible obsession, I suppose, which began after the Korean War when locals realized that SPAM was the perfect fat and calorie filled food for fighting famine.
(I must get some kind off accelerating alliteration points for that last sentence?)

In fact, Budae Jiggae is still a classic Korean stew, and it still features SPAM.

But you know me.. I like to make the political personal.

Which is why I was thrilled to find the "SPAM Single" (which sounds like an honest title if I ever put an advert on E-harmony). You take that bad boy and two pieces of American cheese (removing the plastic wrap is optional) and toss them onto a piece of bread on a frying pan?

Three minutes later you have a delicious heart-attack.

Heck. Next time I think I'll fry the bastard in butter.

Also, I particularly like that there are now "flavors" for spam. The close-reader of eemajee will have already noted I took mine Italian style - mozzarella and chicken.

I'd type more, but the shooting chest pains seem to have made the fingers in my left hand all numb and tingly.....

Palo Alto officials look for long-term solutions following student suicides

Er...

what could be a longer term solution than suicide?

But in the short term?

All the suicides are Gunn students.

Let them go to Paly and learn why life is worth living. ;-)

We Enjoy What?

LOLcatzzzz..

even when attempting to use the US as an example of something to emulate, it seems we can't quite be.. known... (this from the joongong daily)

“Korean teenagers compete for higher scores during three years of high school, but students in other countries such as the United States read, write, do volunteer activities and enjoy sports such as taekwondo and tennis.”

Man.. I think we can all agree that those years on the taekwando squad were bitching!

Best Rap Song since All the Computers Crashed in 2000

Asplain to me the one that is better....

Hell, one of the lyrics is "I ain't passed the bar"

and I so identify!

At Steve's Request!

Steve from my rant down below, commented that if I'm going to go ape, I should at least recognize his current blog.

Steve's current blog can be found at http://tentaclesforbreakfast.blogspot.com

"Current" is a sketchy term though. When he posts it is interesting and often epic, but man.. months pass... The last post seems to be from 2008?

I may have to go over there and leave a comment , it's a bit sparse. ;-)

Noted With Disgust...

Mike McStay...

a guy I used to work with at Woosong. He has, maybe, cancer. Tumors at least. He ended up in the emergency room a few weeks ago, getting some bits cut out. He needs to go back and get more cut out and we should all pray (although I don't exactly pray!) that the tumor is non-malignant.

Mike McStay....

A guy who I disagree with on every political level that you can imagine.
Yeah, fine, we could still have a beer.

Mike McStay

The guy who spent hours getting my fiancee (who has little fingers that dont' bend at the knuckle - my belief is that is so she can hit me harder) to get her fingerprints on that stupid card.

Mike McStay

A cool guy to crack a beer with.
Did I say that?
You sense my obsession? ;-)

Mike McStay

Pretty (in the unpretty - ;-p - ) serious about movies.

Mike McStay

Probably fighting for his life.. so then there's Stevie Bee

ah..

let's just say that old Stevie thinks Mike is a tad judgmental. So he returns that judgment in spades.

Complete dickhead.. who has a blog in which he tries to be offensive. No one comments of course, but perhaps that is his triumph?

now I'm going to sleep and pretend that most people who agree with me politically aren't self-satisfied judgmental aresholes..

Like old Stevie is..

Number One Cause of Hospitalization in Korea

Hemorrhoids

This is a thing I did not want to know, and now you know it also.

Heinie Flu here at Korea Times

A question of "hipsterdom"

How often do I have to skip over "Aqua Boogie (A Psychoalphadiscobetabioaquadoloop)" on my iPod before I should just delete it and recognize that no one is ever going to look at my library and say.. "whoooa! dude.. Aqua Boogie (A Psychoalphadiscobetabioaquadoloop).. yer so cool!"?

Academic Palaver

Just received this nearly incomprehensible email that, on the positive side, is not one of the 100 "Obama makes qualifying for a loan easy" emails I've received in the last three days:

online education for liberation will focus on the societal, social, political, economic and philosophical perspectives of transformative models how digital learning communities foster critical reflections and perspective change; experience systemic or covert discriminations; and also discuss the liberation topic from a progressive viewpoint. Thus, the proposed publication attempts to build a better understanding on how online educators/designers/tutors/learners can talk about injustice and inequality to a virtual group with an identity of privilege, and revealing about racism and cover racism to diverse people, sexism to men and women, heterosexism to straight people. This is important to scrutinize transformative models how to bring a global and multicultural partnership of faculty, administrators, professionals, teachers, community activists, researchers and parents as well as understand and challenge the injustices digital societies face. In the fields of online education, liberation, models for social equality, etc., there exists a need for an edited collection of chapters in this area.

Jesus.. that's a crapload of cant and as an academic writing professor I'd just like the author to pick one approach (preferably a grammatically correct one, but I'd settle for consistency) on how to approach "how."

The use of "about" is also extra-grammatical.

But mainly.. it's a steaming pile of academic horseshit..

"discuss the liberation topic"

doesn't that mean "discuss liberation?" Or is there a liberation 'atopic?" Entropic? Dystopic? Why write like that?

And:

and revealing about racism and cover racism to diverse people, sexism to men and women,

holy cow... they now have "cover" racists? Is that like bands and cover bands, or just pathetic writing?

Finally, the last sentence of the big quote up above just makes me want to cry:

Redundant "fields" and "area"
"there exists a need for"
the "edited" thing..

Somewhere in Hell, Mencken and Orwell are arguing over who is responsible for this kind of trash writing.

Get a real job you uber-academic troll - someday it will make your theoretical moaning more authentic.

Ah Jesus.. I mean... Ah Evolution.. this picture is quite funny

Thanks FARK!

Phrases that only sound semi-threatening until you actually understand them

It also helps spread the user

Bleach can clean a lot of things, but not things your mind has seen.

*shiver*

If at first you don't decede? Die, die again!

It was only editorial restraint that stopped this stories' headline:

Man dies after attempting suicide 4 times in one day

from being

Loser finally loses

or

Darwinner!

I mean, this kind of persistent striving for failure?

Dude should have joined the Republican party.. he could have run with Palin in 20012.

3 times...

;-)

Pathetic!

Meaning my blogging..

it's been busy as I've had to catch up on all the marking that I had avoided in the first half of the semester. I've also been a very social critter with James, Gord and Scott visiting me at various points. Much blah-blah-blah about writing and just about an equal amount of drinking.

With midterms graded and returned, and next week featuring tuesday and friday off, I think I'm ok with the school thing. This weekend is a quick trip to Tokyo with the BLF (she will stay on two days after I do, for some kind of ceremony in which she gets a tattoo and has her little finger chopped off.

I'll google what that means later.

For now I have to figure out the minimum amount I can bring (including all my camera gear, since part of this trip is to take pictures for a photo-article I will be publishing next year) for a three-day, two-night trip.

see you on the flipside...

Scraps..

Some awesome things on the writing horizon at BPU2. The Mentor and I have a scheme for analysis that is both a mile wide and, so far as we can tell, previously untapped.

But, really, doesn't all that fade in the face of Rosemary Chicken with scallions and cherry tomatoes? With a Heineken on the side?

Clearly, that question was rhetorical!

A "lyric"(?) written on IM to the OAF on Occasion of an Insult to her by an Idiot

There is a subtle pulse to things
Precise time insists upon
A steady march of morons, dreams
The impulse to be gone

Also an interred counterpoint
Beating below the ground
Where we meet in unmortised space
But no soul can be found

There all scratching pecking fools
Are pecked and scratched upon
In eternal space, now so confined
Their happy malice gone.